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| English - Tagalog Dictionary (Iba Ito!)
01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
07)
Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka itlog
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37)
Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...
| | |
| Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis.
Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo. 3 months later, galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis?
Intsik: Baka hinubad mo! * * * * * * *
GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!
* * * * * * * *
Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.
Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon,
kagatan na ang labanan?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
A lizard fell on a table.
Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;
Kikay: Eew, lizard!;
Astig: Shit, butiki!;
Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;
Mahirap: Pare, ulam!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're?
Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo?
Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? Wala na kasing medium! Napansin mo,
fit masyado, di ba?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento!
Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator?
Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula
ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging
anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice
Cream? Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga
bata, Mirinda na!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
A priest at a church.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip
ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Nurse: Miss, gising na!
Patient: Ah, bakit?
Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot.
Patient: Anong gamot?
Nurse: Sleeping pills.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Boy
Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple.
Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love.
Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte.
Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Ama: Aba , magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Erap at Starbucks.
Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!
Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Sa prusisyon.
Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose , mga girls, sa karo ni Mama
Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod?
Pari:
Mga bruha! Follow me!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang
parachute!
Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Use "Bampira" in a sentence! Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!
SIGA: Ako, matapang ako,
bakit may problema ka?
TUKMOL: Wala po, survey lang ho. Ngayon, yung duwag naman ang lumabas!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Anak: Ma, hingi sana ako ng P50.
Nanay: P40? Ang laki naman ng P30! Anong gagawin mo sa P20? Akala mo
madaling kumita ng P10? O, eto P5.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
May kwento ako tungkol sa lovelife ng ampalaya. Huwag na lang! Masyadong
mapait!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Grabe! Biruin mo, 150,000 pesos daw, hot oil lang!
150,000 pesos ang
rebonding! Sobra naman yang David's Salon na yan! - Rapunzel.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ***
Hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si Inday. Tahimik lang syang nakatitig sa bote
ng juice. Dahil nakasulat: Concentrate.
| | |
| 
You
saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?
Interestingly, research has shown that young
children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior
memory associated with such a scenario.
| | |
| 10 Commandments sa Pag Inom
1. Huwag sayangin ang alak
(maraming bata ang d nakakainom ng alak)
2. Huwag matakaw sa pulutan
(dahil ito'y hindi
picnic ungas)
3. Huwag patagalin ang tagay
(dahil my naghihintay,d lng ikaw umiinom)
4. Huwag uminom nang uminom lang
(bumili ka rin,wg kang kuripot)
5. Uminom ng diretso sa tiyan
(huwag sa ulo,d baleng sumuka)
6. Magpaalam kung uuwi na, hindi yung bigla nlang mawawala
(hnd ka aso)
7. Huwag magpasikat n malakas kang umiinom
(pwdeng mgpass kung d mo n kaya)
8. Huwag matulog sa harap ng inuman kung may tama o lasing na
(inuman to at hidni tulugan)
9. Siguraduhing sa bahay ang uwi kapag lasing na
(kung kaya mo pang umuwi)
10. Huwag mang harass pag senglot na
(ilabas mo libog mo pg d ka n senglot) | | |
| BEER vs VAGINA
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER
2. Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to VAGINA
3. A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER
4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between your
teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene,
kick you out, etc.
If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even
leave you.
There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and
personal circumstances.
Call it a DRAW for the time being.
6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night
and you don't want to drive anywhere.
One point to VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation
may suffer. If you eat any pussy in public, you become a legend.
One point to VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell
of vagina he may buy you a beer.
One point to VAGINA
9. You normally don't find old beer.
One point to BEER
10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and
you'll think you've seen God.
One point to VAGINA
11. Ripping a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun!
One point to VAGINA
12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
One point to VAGINA
13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.
One point to BEER
14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can.
One point to BEER
15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but it eventually it settles down.
One point to BEER
16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc.
One point to BEER
17. You always know how much beer is going to cost.
One point to BEER
18. Beer doesn't have a mother.
One point to BEER
19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after
you've drunk it.
One point to BEER
FINAL SCORE: BEER:
10 VAGINA: 8
That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER
PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded
or discriminated, just remember that Beer would experience none of those
feelings, let alone express them.
Therefore, an extra point for BEER!!! YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH. | | |
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